REVIEW
TALES OF THE LEGION OF NET.HEROES
reprinted from rec.arts.comics.creative

In this issue, Review-Man will review . . .

Tales of the LNH 369. So, let's get this spoiler space underway!

M: So what is it we're reviewing?

F: Looks like . . . Tales of the LNH 369

M: Panta, eh? I like her.

F: Oh? Really? Do you like her, or do you like-like her?

M: Shut up, Fuzzy.

F: Well, you are an anime character and most of those do lean towards homo-

M: I said shut up. Now, let's get to review this.

F: Fine, fine.

M: Let's see . . . plane crashes, Panta uses OverCute gem and NEKO PRISM POWER . . . why don't I have powers like that?

F: I don't know. I think you do.

M: No, I would know if I did.

F: We're getting off- track. Just look at your roster entry.

M: But it's outdated.

F: So? So is that outfit.

M: I thought you were supposed to be my helpful sidekick, here.

F: Yeah, well I haven't seen a panel since late summer. I'm cranky.

M: SnowBuni doesn't insult Panta.

F: SnowBuni isn't her sidekick.

M: Yes she is.

F: He didn't even create the character!

M: Say, that is a copyrighted character, but she's used by permission.

F: Okay, so Panta and the Ninja fight . . .

M: The Ninja?

F: The false Ninja.

M: Oh . . . kay.

F: So they fight and Panta kicks butt, takes names . . . and she meets this dude, Calvin Lector.

M: Cal Lector. Oh, clever.

F: Was that a bad attempt at sarcasm.

M: No, it was a good attempt at sarcasm. But the name still stands in its LNHy kind of way.

F: LNHy? That's not a word.

M: Neither is Fuzzboy.

Fuzzboy, angrily, quotes some text:
"I MADE Marvel do this stupid distributing system! I closed up Capital and the other comics distributors! I INFLUENCED the young kids to get excited about Spawn and the Image comics to drive up sales. I USED the ring to create an interest in speculation and the multi-cover, prism-covered, limited edition comics that fueled the speculation. I MADE Mike Powers editor-in-chief of the X line of comics!"

F: That son of a bitch!

M: But look . . . there's a reason:
"But the ring has one short-coming; I cannot make changes to myself. The ring's power protects the bearer from the effects of the changes. I'm still short, little and overweight. I cannot change myself with the Ring of Retconn."

M: He's a fanboy.

F: Like Fan.Boy?

M: No, you idiot, like . . . like an American Otaku.

F: The villain?

M: No . . . SIGH. So, Cal gets mad, uses his ring. . . things go white.

F: Hey, Cal has a ring, Hal has a ring. .. Hal's been retconned. A connection?

M: I have no idea.

F: So, in review . .
.
M: Another good issue of Tales of the LNH.

F: I don't like the entire SnowBuni thing. Even with permission, I wouldn't feel right using a copyrighted character. Shows lack of creativity . . .

M: Not to say that Bartels lacks. This is a very creative arc with just that minor flaw.

F: I think that's it . . .

M: Let's give it an A-.

F: No, a B+.

M: A-.

F: B+.

M: A-!

F: B+!

And that's it for that review. SIGH.

Tom Russell JR.

Winner of:
THE ED WOOD GOLDEN PIE PLATE AWARD
RABBIT BREEDER'S CUP
MOST IMPROVED AUTHOR of the 1998 rACCIES