TALES OF THE LEGION OF NET.HEROES
reprinted from rec.arts.comics.creative
Giant-Sized Issue!
#366: Escape from Net.ropolis
[ In LNH 361 - LNH 365, Panta is attacked by cyborgs and clones from someone calling himself, 'The Collector'. Caught up with her is SnowBuni, a rabbit girl from a technologically advanced race called the Sylvalagi. Now, history is being retconned [1] around them; Panta herself is no longer a member of the LNH. To get at 'The Collector', the two have to reenter the LNH. But now the leopard girl faces the Ultimate Ninja. The evil one, killed by Panta in the former continuity. Will Panta have to repeat everything once more?
Author's note: SnowBuni and the Sylvalagi appear in this story through the kind permission of Jeff Wood, who has been writing and drawing SnowBuni since 1984. SnowBuni is copyrighted to Jeff Wood and may not be used in other stories without permission from Jeff Wood.]
[1] Retconned, for those readers not familiar with the term, refers to rewriting a character's history - a retroactive change to a character's continuity. It is usually a bad thing. HGB
Outside, the hallway echoed to the sounds of LNH members running towards the lobby. In the cafeteria, the only sounds SnowBuni heard was Ultimate Ninja's slow breathing and Panta's fast heartbeat. The two faced each other across an aisle of tables and chairs.
The evil Ultimate Ninja, an inky shape against the cafeteria's off-white walls, stood absolutely still. His dark blade was a slash of black in the cafeteria's bright lights.
Panta, leopard spots and blue one-piece, shifted her stance back and forth, unsure of how to begin. Her hands opened and closed on her katana's hilt, nervously trying to find a secure grip.
SnowBuni dropped to her knees, digging into her duffelbag. The Ninja had easily parried her bullets, flicking them out of the air and leaving the spent rounds rolling on the floor. What could she do?
Suddenly, a shirring of steel made her raise her head. The Ultimate Ninja was standing in a different spot, his sword tipped with red. "Not bad," he sneered.
Panta had a long, thin gash along her upper arm; blood welled up and dripped onto the floor. There had been only a brief blur, when the ninja's blade touched her.
Panta jumped forward with a long horizontal stroke that would have split the Ninja from side to side. He waited until Panta's edge had almost touched him, blocked it, then riposted. The black blade left another shallow cut along Panta's arm.
The leopard girl jumped back away from the Ultimate Ninja as his blade flicked at her. Bits of her fur flew as she dodged underneath his swift slash.
She knew how to use her katana - and hours of practice under the real Ultimate Ninja had honed her skills. But she also knew that that she would never be a master of the sword like either one of the Ultimate Ninja. The last time Panta had fought the evil Ultimate Ninja - it had been a close contest, even with the near sacrifice of Kid G's life. [Ultimate Ninja #14, if you want to read it for yourself - HGB]
This evil Ultimate Ninja was better, playing with her, cutting at her with his blackened blade. Her frantic riposte and parry seemed to amuse him. And SnowBuni was no help, frantically pulling things out of her duffelbag and throwing them aside. What could Panta do?
Again the blades sung as the two met. A scrap of black cloth fluttered from Ultimate Ninja's arm, revealing the iron bars the ninja wore sown to his sleeves. Panta gasped; her tight one-piece had been cleanly cut apart without touching the fur beneath. Just a little deeper and the blow would have been fatal.
SnowBuni's hands closed around a short and bulky item at the bottom of her bag; she smiled and pulled it out of her extra stockings.
"You just ain't no fun anymore," Ultimate Ninja growled. "Say 'sayonara,' girl." He raised his blade for the stroke that would finish Panta, a final cut from her shoulderblade to her groin.
"Hey, ninja," SnowBuni stood up and smiled. She held something with both hands.
"You again?" the evil Ultimate Ninja. "When you gonna learn I can parry anything you shoot at me? Don't you know the meaning of 'futile?' He stepped back from Panta and pulled his blade to the side.
"Well, parry this!" SnowBuni pulled both triggers. A blinding flash of light erupted from both barrels of the sawed-off shotgun. Ultimate Ninja was blown back against the cafeteria wall, splattering blood over the tile floor.
SnowBuni dropped the shotgun, grabbed her duffelbag and ran over to Panta. "We gotta get out of here," she said. "Can you move?"
Panta nodded.
"Then kill the lights," SnowBuni added as she ran towards the kitchen. The rabbit girl threw open doors leading outside, ran back towards to Panta, grabbed her by her other arm and pulled her towards the back stairway. She paused only long enough to leave an 'Out of Order' sign on the stairway door handle before pulling it closed and locking it behind them.
"That should slow down their search," SnowBuni panted. "Where's the hanger deck?"
Panta pointed up. Above them, like Jacob's ladder, the stairs climbed into heaven.
* * *
They took a break many, many floors above the cafeteria. Panta looked pretty spent. They sat down, looking down the floors and floors below them. Only faint sounds were apparent of the commotion below. Neither could hear steps on the stairway; perhaps no one in the LNH believed that anyone would climb to the top using only the stairs.
"Panta?" SnowBuni began. "how are you doing?" Her ears were drooping with fatigue. "It looked like he cut you badly, down there." Her hand waved at the stairs below them.
"It's not so bad," Panta answered. She tugged at the scraps of cloth that was her one-piece. "It hurts but... it's all shallow cuts... Kinda bloody... But I'll be all right... I think."
The two sat in silence. SnowBuni leaned against the concrete wall and closed her eyes for a moment. Panta licked the blood off her hands and again pulled at her tattered costume.
"Panta?" SnowBuni finally said.
"Yeah?" Panta stopped trying to tie her one-piece together.
"Are you angry that I shot Ultimate Ninja? I mean, we weren't trying to kill anyone - and it was your fight and..."
"No.... Not at all... He coulda killed me at anytime. Thanks... Err, what was that thing you used?"
"A Sylvalagi anti-ninja gun. It's a short barreled shotgun with an extra heavy load. The pattern is too wide to dodge and the pellets are depleted uranium - too heavy to parry easily... You ready to go again?"
Panta finished knotting her top together. There, she was no longer in danger of falling out of her clothes. "Um!"
* * *
On the top floor, SnowBuni and Panta found no one there. Dim lighting showed rows of LNH flight thingees - vehicles that looked like a cross between a Star Trek shuttle and a Winnebago - sitting in their bays, silent. In another bay stood a pair of cars, and a van - perhaps Bicycle Repair Lad or Contraption Man's current project.
The Hanger Deck took up most of the LNH building's top floor; a huge, echoing room like the hanger deck on an aircraft carrier. A large central area opened into rows of workshops and hanger bays containing flight thingees and other strange craft. A huge open doorway on the far wall led from the flight deck, out into the black night. At the moment, it showed the thunderstorm dumping on Net.ropolis. Wind whistled through the Hanger Deck opening; thunder rolled continuously and lightning flashed.
"Funny," Panta mused. "You'd think they'd have someone watching the flight thingees." There didn't seem to be any sign of alarm here, no armed guards, no flashing lights, actually no sign of anybody, anywhere. The leopard girl walked across the hanger deck to the nearest flight thingee and tapped in an entry code into the access hatch's keypad.
"What's wrong?" SnowBuni asked as she came up.
Panta sighed. "They locked down all the flight thingees with the LNH computer. We're stuck here." Her tail and ears fell. "That's why the place's deserted."
"Take a look around," SnowBuni quickly said. "There's got to be something we can use." She turned to look in another bay and stopped, both ears straight up. "WHAT on earth is that?"
"The Easily Discovered Van," Panta said. "I guess Professor Wong is getting it a tune-up. It's kinda garish, isn't it?"
It was hard to describe the Easily Discovered Van. Begin with a conglomeration of colors, shapes, and mismatched designs, all assembled in such a way to maximize viewer pain and discomfort. Then add in fluorescent, pink flashing lights on the roof, teal-colored, blinking, fuzzy dice on the dashboard and an airbrushed mural on the side of the van that featured a grotesque, multicolored view of Mount Rushmore. On the mural, the heads of the Presidents had been replaced by, respectively, Andy Warhol, John Travolta, Dan Rather and Meat Loaf. The end result was a vehicle that mounted a full-fledged attack on all good taste, common sense, and human decency. At least the massive sound system was not beating out retreaded versions of old '70s disco songs.
"Saying it's garish is like saying that the Pacific Ocean is a little wet. Don't give up, Panta," SnowBuni said as she headed toward another bay. "There's got to be- what's under this canvas anyway?"
As the canvas fell away, it revealed an odd little aircraft. The wings had been located at the back end of a stubby fuselage and two short canards flared away from the front of the nose cone. Two rudders were mounted above and below the wing, forming an 'H' shape. It stood on a tripod landing gear and had a tiny wheel mounted at the bottom of each rudder. A scoop just behind the pilot's cockpit and a large exhaust between the rudders indicated it was jet-propelled. Painted on each of the two rudders was an Imperial Rising Sun.
"What is it?" Panta wondered. "Surely..."
SnowBuni was jumping up and down. "YES! Yes! Yes! Panta! Someone's left us a Shinden-Kai jet fighter. It was to be an Imperial Japanese Navy Carrier jet fighter but they only built two as pusher prop planes before the war ended. One of them ended up at the Smithsonian. But this... Panta, look around and see if you can find kerosene. It should be in drums or something."
"But..." Panta looked at the short hundred meters from the Shinden-Kai to the opening where the thunderstorm raged. "It's too short a runway. We'll never get into the air."
"I'm working on it, I'm working on it," SnowBuni replied impatiently. She looked from the little plane, to the Easily Discovered Van, to the coils of wire cable hanging from Bicycle Repair Lad's workshop. "I got it!"
A half-hour later and Panta's arms, already hurting from the evil Ultimate Ninja's cuts, were also sore from pumping kerosene. SnowBuni had run around the Hanger Deck, welded bars across the elevator and doors, started up the Easily Discovered Van, and parked it, running, next to the Shinden-Kai. The tiny plane had been pulled out of its bay and left at the end of the hanger deck, facing the opening out to the sky. Panta had run back and forth across the hanger deck, laying out wire cable, rolling it up again and putting in eyelets.
SnowBuni was now machining a hook on Bicycle Repair Lad's milling machine. She had already fabricated several bars, just long enough to reach between the Easily Discovered Van's clutch and gas pedals and the seat. One had a thin cable that reached from the E-D Van to the cockpit of the Shinden-Kai- . Under SnowBuni's instructions, Panta had removed a panel from the plane's nose, unbolted the machinegun and ammunition carrier and replaced the panel with hinges and a lock. Several rivets and some extra sheet metal later, she had a seat.
"Done!" SnowBuni said as she flicked a steel bar on the hook, "All to do now is to bolt this on-"
The elevator chimed; the doors clicked once as they tried to open.
"I think they found us, SnowBuni," Panta said. "What do we..."
"It'll take them a second to realize what's happened," SnowBuni said as she dove underneath the plane. "By the time that they're ready to break down the doors, we'll be gone. Hand me the 30mm wrench, will you?"
SnowBuni was hooking the second cable to the Shinden-Kai's hook when the LNH legionaries began pounding on the stairway door. "Almost ready," she sang out.
The Easily Discovered Van was running at redline; one of the bars held the gas pedal all the way against the floor. The steering wheel was locked into place. But the van wasn't moving; another bar held down the clutch pedal.
"Panta, if you please," SnowBuni said as the leopard girl climbed on the plane. She held out a large crank.
"But..."
"Anyone can crank one of these," the rabbit girl said. "it's getting it started that's the problem. And once the jet engine's running, I'm the one who's going to fly it out of here..."
Panta sighed, her ears and tail sagging.
"It's an old design," SnowBuni added as she slid into the pilot's seat. "It should crank easier once you get it turning over."
Panta sighed and moved along the spine of the plane to the wing. She inserted the crank and pushed. And pulled. She could feel the swish of the blades as the turbine began to spin, slowly at first, then faster and faster.
The pounding on the door got louder.
Panta pushed. And pulled. The smell of kerosene got stronger as the turbine began spinning with a high, keening sound. Panta's fangs grated with the fan blade's whistling scream.
Rivets on the stairway door popped. An ominous bulge formed in the steel.
Panta turned the crank faster and faster. Suddenly, something beneath her feet shuddered as the Shinden-Kai began to shake. A low rumble grew louder and higher as the air started to reek of smoke, hot metal, and kerosene.
"Pull out the crank!" SnowBuni shouted.
The shaking grew stronger and faster. Panta popped out the crank and stepped back. It was getting hot up here. The rumble had climbed octaves to become a whining scream.
"Panta! Your seat! I'm going full throttle!"
The leopard girl scrambled over the cockpit and tumbled into her cubby hole in front of the cockpit. The blast from the ancient jet engine blew against the back wall and spread to either side, sending papers, garbage and Bicycle Repair Lad's abandoned dinner flying.
The stairway door burst open, spilling Master Blaster, Cannon Fodder and Kid Poetry onto the hanger deck. They started to pull themselves to their feet.
"The string, Panta! Pull it and hold on!" SnowBuni shouted. She pushed the jet engine's throttle full open. "Here we go...."
Panta sat up, reached over and pulled on the string running to the Easily Discovered Van. The clutch pedal popped out.
The Easily Discovered Van, fresh from a tune-up, took off like a bat from hell, leaving long rubber streaks behind. Cables from the van yanked away the chocks under the Shinden-Kai's wheels. The chocks clattered down the hanger deck, following the Easily Discovered Van. A larger cable, bolted to the van's bumper and the Shinden-Kai's hook snapped tight.
The tiny plane jumped forward, pulled down the hanger deck by the Easily Discovered Van. SnowBuni held the stick firmly, trying to keep the plane's nose headed straight at the Hanger Deck's doorway. In the cubbyhole, Panta's stomach protested as she was pressed into her seat. Shinden-Kai, chocks, and van, all were racing down a very short road, headed toward the stormy blackness outside.
Master Blaster ran hard, his weapons bouncing as he tried to catch up with the quickly accelerating plane.
The van shot through the LNH Hanger Deck doorway and began its long drop to the parking lot below, bright colorful lights glittering. The chocks clattered once more as they followed. Now, the Shinden-Kai arrived at the hanger doorway, high over the city.
Suddenly a third cable jerked; it yanked the Easily Discovered Van's tow cable from the Shinden-Kai's hook. SnowBuni struggled with the stick and rudder pedals as the plane lunged forward. Cables, chocks, and Easily- Discovered Van dropped into the night. The Shinden-Kai disappeared upward into rain and clouds.
* * *
Cannon Fodder and Master Blaster got to the edge of the LNH Hanger Deck's opening as the storm outside swallowed up the roar of the ancient jet engine.
"Think they made it?" Cannon Fodder said.
"The Professor Wong's van didn't," Master Blaster answered. Far below, a few glittering fragments in the darkness marked where the van had crashed.
He never heard Cannon Fodder's reply. The hapless hero was suddenly kicked into the night, falling headlong to join the Easily Discovered Van in the parking lot below. Master Blaster turned to see a very bloody Ultimate Ninja standing beside him. "Er?"
"Do you need a kick in the ass too?" Ultimate Ninja growled.
"But... you're dead! There's blood all over the cafeteria!" Master Blaster said.
The evil Ultimate Ninja looked in bad shape; his clothes were tatters and blood dripped from his legs and arms. "I had to parry the pellets aimed for my head and vitals. You can't kill me with a shotgun."
"I am the ULTIMATE NINJA."
He glared at Master Blaster. "Now what are you doing to get my plane back - and get those responsible?"
Master Blaster gulped. "I'll get right on it."
Ultimate Ninja ignored him and turned to face the winds and rain outside. "Soon," he swore under his tattered mask, "you and I, Panta, we'll cross swords again. I won't play around this time..."
"...I'll cut you from cat ear to tail!"
[To be continued in LNH 367!]
Hubert Bartels